PART XXII

Marshall Law, a retired patrolman and DEA agent, is the latest member of The McHale Report editorial staff. He is our expert on all matters regarding the men and woman in uniform. He urged Jack O'Connell, the great unpublished novelist, to meet him on the deck at Cobbleheads. O'Connell expressed misgivings about the choice of locales, but Law insisted that there would be nobody on the deck and he had a bottle of Jameson that was waiting for an appreciate audience. It didn't take much to convince O'Connell to join Law.

Indeed, the deck was empty. They sat near the resaca. The trusty southeastern blew from the gulf and the breeze was refreshing as it swept off the water. With the shelter-in-place order coming to an end, Law assured O'Connell that the BPD would have better things to do than harass a couple of over-the-hill jocks. The whiskey and the weather were the perfect ingredients for relaxing. They covered a number of subjects. With incumbent Sheriff Omar Lucio involved in a competitive race against ex-District Clerk Eric Garza, O'Connell was curious about Law's opinion on the July 14th runoff.

"We have always been told that children shouldn't play with matches, correct?" said Law.

Of course.

"Doesn't it make sense that we would never allow children to play with guns?"

Seems logical to me.

"Lucio has more than 50 years in law enforcement. He has seen and done it all. His critics want to make his age a factor. I would agree that 86 is old, but he runs his office and jail without many incidents and there hasn't been one COVID-19 case among his officers or his prisoners. We know that reality can change in the wink of an eye because that shit is so contagious, but he has done the job. You never hear accusations about corruption even though several sheriffs along the border have been nailed for cooperating with the cartels."

You won't hear an argument from me. I speak with him occasionally and both physically and mentally he seems sharp. I like the way he respects people and the measured tone of his voice.

"His opponent hasn't so much as worked as a security guard and he wants to be Cameron County's next sheriff! Can he load a gun? Can he handcuff a suspect? Do you think he has the experience to supervise seasoned cops and hundreds of hardcore prisoners who have risen through the drug ranks and are pitiless individuals?"

Garza's candidacy has never made any sense to me. He had a laid-back position as district clerk with a handsome salary. If there is any truth to the rumor, he is running out of revenge. One of the sheriff's deputies competed against his friend who was a justice of the peace. This became personal among the two camps. When Garza's friend won, he swore he would find someone to run against Lucio and Garza accepted the challenge. He only lost 43% to 41% in the primary and forced a run-off, so the sheriff knows he isn't facing a political patsy although the deputies and prisoners know that Garza doesn't have a spine of steel. He may think of himself as a successful administrator, but this is a post that requires experience and knowledge. There is no way in hell that Garza is qualified to serve as sheriff. He is a joke. When the bars were open and everyone was drinking too much, you would hear someone joking that Garza aspires to the office because he wants to screw a chick while the siren is wailing. Apparently, he thinks that a siren is more effective than an aphrodisiac.

"Funny, but being sheriff is no laughing matter. Do you recall when Lucio lost after his first term and Conrado Cantu took over? He was a coke head, an alcoholic and a womanizer. I'm not saying that Garza is a victim of those vices, but he is a target whom the criminal element will tempt. Cantu was a smuggler's dream and he finally went to the pen when the authorities nailed him escorting drug shipments north. Nothing has changed in Mexico. In fact, it's worse than ever. Garza is stepping out of the amateur ranks and three-round botana fights into the ring against tested professionals who can go twelve rounds of non-stop punching. And then you add the Coronavirus crisis. This is not the time to be changing horses in the middle of the Rio Grande. As voters we made the greatest mistake of our lives electing Trump. If we were ever great, we will never be great again with this democratic dictator imposing his megalomania upon us. We are learning at the expense of our health and wealth that he didn't have the background to sit in the White House. I am convinced that he is such an evil and sinful man that Coronavirus is the result of his bad karma. I will concede that it seems far-fetched, but I believe in karma. In my opinion he has 666 tattooed across his forehead and upon his death he will return to hell where he will spend eternity. Garza may not be worse than Trump or Cantu, but he is a bad choice. He brings nothing to the table that would qualify him as sheriff."

You're the man, Marshall. You've collected dead bodies and gone mano-a-mano with the detritus of humanity. I've heard that Garza faints at the sight of blood. I once saw him in a bar as he was entering and I was exiting the bathroom. I asked him if he was running for sheriff. He started stammering about whether or not I had washed my hands. I had just taken a piss and I hadn't washed my hands, but I told him I had. He then stuttered that he wasn't sure about his intentions. I replied that I was going to write in The McHale Report that he hadn't reached a decision about his political future. I was sitting at the bar when he passed. He briefly stopped and told me he wasn't running for sheriff. Subsequently, I was talking to another politico. During our conversion Garza's name emerged as the topic and I told my acquaintance that Garza wasn't entering the race. My friend laughed and said that he had printed his signs and cards. He knew because he was using the same individual in his campaign. It was then I determined that Garza was a wimp. You're right, Marshall. It's an easy pick. Do we want our sheriff to be a shark or a shrimp? I'm with you. Lucio is a no-brainer.