THE AGONY OF DEFEAT

 With the exception of Biden possibly losing to Trump on Tuesday, I thought I had gotten over losing. I haven't. And maybe that's good. Last night I experienced a moment of normalcy during these times of COVID under those Friday night lights in Texas. The Veterans Memorial Chargers and Michael were opening conference place against the Porter Cowboys, one of several cross-town rivals in Brownsville, at the city's coliseum, Sams Stadium. My son Carlos and his girlfriend accompanied Claudia and me.

It was a defensive battle with Porter maintaining field position, but the Cowboys could only mount a field goal despite their dominance. Then halfway through the second quarter, the Veterans quarterback rolled left and launched a bomb that Michael snared streaking along the sidelines. He shook off the corner and went 80 yards for a touchdown. It was, believe it or not, one of the most thrilling moments of my life.

Both teams struggled in the second half, but with one minute left in the game, the Cowboys were on the Chargers' 22-yard-line facing fourth and ten after the middle-linebacker dropped an interception right in his hands. The Chargers blitzed and the Cowboy QB launched a desperation pass down the middle of the field. The receiver had it knocked away, but the defender was flagged for pass interference. Two plays later Porter scored to take a 10-7 leave.

Veterans, with 50 seconds remaining in the game, returned the kickoff to the 40 and with 15 seconds had the ball on their foes' 40. The coaches slotted Michael on the right side. He thinks of himself as a playmaker and his coaches appreciate his skills. They called his number. He ran a post, but it wasn't an aggressive pattern. The safety shadowed him from behind and blocked Michael from reaching the slightly overthrown ball. There was contact as the defender held his position, but it wasn't sufficient for a pass interference call. One more unsuccessful heave and the game came to an end.

Goddammit, we should have eked out a victory I lamented as I pounded my fist into the other palm of the other hand. I doubled-up on the Xanax, but I couldn't sleep. Michael is only a sophomore and it's a laudable achievement that he is playing a major role on the team, but in the most crucial situation he didn't meet the challenge.

"When the coaches designed a play especially for you, you have to get open by hook or by crook," I told him. "They were counting on you to rise to the occasion and you didn't. We may think of football as a game, but it isn't. It's black-and-white. It's all about winning and holding your helmets high in the air or slinking off the field as losers. You say your ankle was hurting from an earlier tackle. That is not an excuse. Everybody plays hurt.

"When you ran your post, you should have made a subtle feint to the outside and the cut back in order to established inside position so you could have given the quarterback an angle, but since you didn't, once he threw the ball, you allowed the defender to slow you down rather than you running over him to snare the ball."

"But I was running the pattern they called."

"You're aren't a robot on the field. You're most important responsibility is shaking the defender. Within your general instructions, you can ab-lib, you can improvise, but you have to get your butt open. The coaches put their hopes and confidence in you and you failed them. I wouldn't be reprimanding you if I thought you had given 110% percent, but you didn't. Your effort was half-assed because you weren't focused and obviously it didn't dawn on you the importance of this play."

It's like a newly found erection. The emotion still runs through my veins. After coaching varsity soccer for a decade, I moved to another school and coached both freshmen and junior varsity teams. The school went to the state finals three times, and won one, during my tenure as an able assistant. I had one excellent team after another and my knowledge of the game grew exponentially. In terms of my players, come hell or high water, I was going to put the best eleven on the field with five or six competent replacements. If it were a league game, I wanted to win. If it were a non-conference fray, I experimented, winning or losing meaningless because only a conference record counted in order to capture the league cup since there is no state playoffs for the underclassmen.

Keeping the best athletes on the field was not an easy proposition since Texas has the no pass/no play rule. An individual can have nineties in every class, but a 69 in one class and he is ineligible. I was constantly lobbying the teachers and I was generally successful, but this art of persuasion cost me more than a few six packs of beer and girl scout cookies. But it was constant and the pressure from pressuring the teachers took its toll on me because in the majority of cases the players wouldn't even meet the minimum requirements of submitting a notebook. I would lose a whole weekend of relaxation preoccupying myself about whether or not the teacher was going to change the grade on Monday.

"Soccer is supposed to be your god," I would snap at them after practice. "This is supposed to be the great passion in your lives. This is supposed to be the reason you breathe, yet you can't do your part in the classroom to keep eligible. Do you think I enjoy begging teachers for grades because you are too lazy to meet your responsibilities? But do you know the reason I do it? I want to win more than you guys want to win. You bow at the altar of soccer; I don't pray to that idol, but I have pride. There is going to come a day when I say enough of this shit."

The day eventually came.

The grades were released. My leading scorer had failed his geometry class. We were vying for the district championship the following week against the team with whom we were tied for first. I went to his teacher with my usual plea. I couldn't believe my ears when she told me, "Buy me a $50 Red Lobster gift certificate and I'll change his grade."

What a fucking bitch I thought, but she successfully extorted her $50. Her karma was a worse bitch, however, because she was undoubtedly a person of bad intentions. Shortly thereafter, her mother died of cancer, her father died of cirrhosis of the liver and her husband was arrested on sexual molestation charges. I didn't shed a tear. I could only hope for her sake that the shrimp had been good.

Game day arrived and the players slowly filed into the locker room. I kept tabs because there were stragglers who didn't arrive until the last minute. I would call their homes to make sure that they were on their way. I kept waiting for my leading scorer. I asked the players about him. They didn't know anything. I called his house. Nobody answered. I continued looking around me as we warmed up 15 minutes prior to the opening whistle. He never showed. I shook my head in disgust and frustration. This is it I told myself and at the end of the season--we did tie for the district championship--I submitted my resignation.

I have nothing but fond memories of those kids and days, but my enthusiasm has diminished dramatically. I watch games when I'm at a bar and I check out ESPN on the internet to stay abreast of the latest news and results in order to retain my manhood when discussing sports with other fellows, but I don't lose sleep over the teams that once held the key to my happiness. I can't help but chuckle as I observe myself 24 hours later still pissed over last night's outcome and Michael's failure to transcend the moment. But it's a good rush to feel passion.

But if Joe Biden drops the clinching touchdown in the end zone, I will quickly forget Michael's missed opportunity and move on to his next game. Moving on to the next four years with Trump calling the signals will rate the worst setback of my life. I will spend many sleepless nights that no amount of Xanax will assure me a temporary respite from Trump's blindsides. 

CHAMBERS BITES THE DUST

 BOOBY WITLESS-CERVEZAS: "Court of Criminal Appeals has denied John Chambers' final appeal. Chambers' uphill just got harder in part due to ineffective assistance of counsel. Any Republican running in Cameron County better have a good case and money to beat a Democrat. Nonetheless, it will be like pushing a boulder up a hill for a Republican to win, especially in a county I suspect is very anti-Trump, and rightfully so."

(EDITOR'S NOTE: After 14 felony convictions, 14 misdemeanors, fired as a policemen from one city and asked to stepped down from another according to an Indian Lake city official and accused of stalking women, one a 16-year-old teenager, there comes a time when a sheriff candidate might find himself on the other side of the bars. John Chambers, the Republican candidate for Cameron County Sheriff, lost his final appeal on the 14 misdemeanors and faces sentencing two days after the November 3 election. Witless-Cervezas, who leaves everyone else out to dry, has brought the controversial Chambers inside his humble abode from the rain. His motivations, a Democrat in the past who despises all Republicans, have defied logical explanations except Chambers has been spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on his campaign and there is a suggestion that Witless-Cervezas may have profited from Chambers' generosity. Witless-Cervezas has always advertised himself as Brownsville's unbought blogger, but even nuns eventually lose their virginity. Does Chambers have a chance in hell against Democratic nominee Eric Garza with the election three days away? His critics argue that Chambers didn't have a chance in hell three months ago. A gleeful Garza offered this response when informed about Chambers' losing clash with karma: "Today, justice has finally been served! John Chambers final appeal has been denied. His 14 charges, Tampering with Governmental Records, are punishable by up to a $4,000 fine and/or up to 1 year in jail. His sentencing is set for November 5, 2020. Cameron County deserves a sheriff that will not be on probation or worse, in jail, during his term. I continue to humbly ask for your vote. With your help we can achieve the change we need and the protection we deserve." This is a contest that is going in polar opposite directions. With all the Democratic numbers and machinery behind Garza and a circulating rumor that not even Donald Trump will be endorsing Chambers, the pundits are advising: Bet the house on Garza, particularly when the redneck Republican may be headed to the Big House.

AN ENDING INSPIRES A BEGINNING...

When will this war be over? the people lament in frustration. In my readings of the Civil War and WWI this was a constant cry from both sides. The death and destruction was non-ending and for many there was no hope that the end was in sight.

With the total officially eclipsing 230,000 deaths and more than nine million reported cases, and thousands of more deaths and millions of more cases predicted, when will this war end is a hollow cry. There is no light at the end of the tunnel as daily cases reach all-time highs, an anticipated 100,000 a day a dire reality in the near future. And we're only talking about the United States.

When Abraham Lincoln was president during the Civil War, he was pulling out his hair because he couldn't find a competent general to lead the Union troops. He relieved almost a half dozen generals of their duties before he settled on Ulysses Grant. "He's a drunk!" complained his advisors. "Then send a bottle of his favorite whiskey to all my other generals because that son-of-a-bitch fights," answered Lincoln who was a literary giant.

(For the record, those weren't Lincolns exact words, but they are similar. Perhaps I'll google the precise quotation, but as someone who mixes fact with fiction without a second thought, accuracy oftentimes isn't important to me.) 

We are at war and all our lives are at stake. We keep asking, "Where is the general who is going to lead us to victory? Where is the general who is going to vanquish this lethal and merciless foe?" It certainly isn't Trump. He talks the talk that is a bold-faced lie. Rather than walking the walk, he runs in the opposite direction. If he had been president instead of Lincoln, we in Texas would be living in the Confederate States of America.

As much as our fellow citizens are yearning for an end to the bloodshed, we writers, journalists, bloggers or sold-out hacks--our critics can label us with any description that pleases them--can't wait for November 3rd. Though there may be unresolved national and state results, the local elections come to an emphatic stop. The winners and losers will be nursing hangovers November 4th in celebration or lamentation, but it will be over.

I'm tired. For someone who is bored easily, this election coverage epitomizes a draining monotony, but I made commitments and I'm keeping my word until the polls permanently close. I've been running a marathon. With the finish line in sight, why wouldn't I culminate my efforts with a final sprint! And everything I write is subject matter for my inevitable masterpiece, The Coronavirus Chronicles. You can't have a mesmerizing masterpiece if you don't have an ending that is nothing less than memorable.

But my weariness owes its genesis to a number of other factors. These elections are the straw that broke the camel's back. I have all the articles I need to make my final statement about Brownsville. After 43 years of continual coverage of my adopted hometown, there will be nothing more I will have to say when I finish The Coronavirus Chronicles. It is time to hand the baton to others who will easily fill the void I leave. I feel that in the wake of chasing my tail for so many decades, I want to pursue an apparition into the darkening horizon.

I turned 20, then 30, then 40, then 50 and then 60 without experiencing any trauma, but there is an uneasiness invading my mental state about turning 70. I am no longer young. In Spanish parlance, I am officially a "ruco" and there's little I can do to alter that reality although a change in my lifestyle, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, might fool blind women into thinking that I'm "only" 65, maybe 60 although whenever I climb a bus, drivers never question if I'm a senior citizen when I pay half fare.

I am not going to surrender in meeting my responsibilities as a Brownsville citizen as long as I reside here and I will post on my blog and Facebook (more literary, less news worthy), but I'm retreating from engaging in battle after battle. There comes a point when you have to retire gracefully from the stage and pursue your own individual and unique visions. I may metamorphose into a modern Don Quijote dueling windmills. I will be content to sit on the patio and write about the mocking birds hopping from limb to limb before launching themselves into a kamikaze dive and attacking my dogs slinking around the backyard in dazed circles.

During the last half year, I have averaged eight hours diurnally pontificating about the elections from the presidency to the BISD school board. It has been a worthy endeavor because the objective of realizing The Coronavirus Chronicles is worth the commitment, but I'm exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I relish the bullshit, but it's time to flush the toilet.

November 4th will require another eight-hour day explaining the results, but the next day everything changes. I will bid adieu to the past and embrace the present and future. I will not abandon my writing. Au contraire, I intend to write more copiously. Editing The Coronavirus Chronicles will be a monumental task but an invigorating one. It will also require additional stories to fill in the gaps to better set the stage in the memoir. I will infinitely amuse myself piecing together this tome picking and choosing from the more than 700 pieces I will have penned as I complete my final product.

But there is a part of my life that requires unapologetic selfishness. As I have uttered many times, if I am happy, then those who rotate around me will feel the warmth of my sun. There are the basics: I've been hitting the weights regularly, but I need more cardio. I need to lose 25 pounds and put reduce my beer belly as well as lower my blood pressure and cholesterol numbers. 

There is my present COPD challenge. I am in the hands of a specialist. I am using a pair of inhalers as part of a two-prong strategy as well as ingesting an antibiotic to cure infections in my lungs. I have taken an addition blood test as well as further X-rays. I meet with the physician on election Tuesday. I'm hoping for multiple glad tidings: I'm on the road to a manageable recovery and Biden has triumphed. If I fail on both fronts, I will have to deal with the cards that I have been dealt. It's an inevitable consequence of life.

Besides the health concerns that resolved contribute to physical, mental, emotional and spiritual tranquility, I have to dedicate myself with greater enthusiasm to playing the guitar, improving my tennis game, mastering as much as possible Portuguese and French with a dash of Italian and Latin for ostentation without abandoning my Spanish readings, and more walking with an occasional quarter mile trot as an interval.

I have my family responsibilities, which bring me joy, but I have to delve into the mystery and mystique that is me and put all these insights and inspirations to paper. Or on the screen. I utilize both. The scary prospect about 70 is that in a decade I will be 80. Eighty is the end of all pretensions about who you are and what you soon will be. 

The elections will be over in four days. At their conclusion, I embark on a new beginning. In the meantime, I remain at ringside recording the final rounds as the showdowns turn into brawls. 

BIDEN

 As a former coach and a sports fanatic since the earliest of my memories, it has always been about the numbers: What inning? How much time? What was the final score?

Presently, I'm not following sports numbers except when it comes to my son Michael and his varsity football games at Veterans Memorial. Who won? comes first and what were his stats? comes second.

But that doesn't mean I'm suffering because I no longer have numbers in my life. Actually, the complete opposite is true: I'm sweating the numbers.

There are five days until the election. We Democrats need 270 electoral votes. We would like to get 350 because anything close Trump will contest and he has a 6-3 advantage in the Supreme Court.

The nine judges made George W. Bush president over Al Gore on a 5-4 vote. And who says that every vote doesn't count!

From Coronavirus there are approximately 230,000 deaths and nine million confirmed cases in the nation. Numbers are infinite and I could go on and on, especially if I delved into the Brownsville and Cameron County elections, but regardless of all results, there is only one result: Biden vs. Trump

All my candidates could win locally, but if Biden loses, I've lost. I could lose all the races locally, but if Biden wins, I've won.

Ni mas! Ni menos!

ELIZONDO DISGRACED THE UNIFORM

Maclovio O'Malley and Estanislao Contreras sat on the latter's back porch. They each kept a separate pipe as they stuffed the bowls with hydro from Austin. Estanislao had opened a bottle of wine and it was breathing.

Maclovio: Do you  think Carlos Elizondo or Eddie Garcia will win the BISD trustee seat?

Estanislao: It's real simple, bro. Pinche Carlos brought nothing but shame to the uniform while Eddie served the BPD for 32 years with distinction. Carlos is a classic loser.

Maclovio: What do you mean, 'mano?

Estanislao: Losers attract losers and in the end they pull down each other. Carlos has joined the Los Buitres slate headed by Erasmo Castro. Both were losers as board members, but losers have the strange complex that they aren't losers and the next time will be different."

Maclovio: And you don't think next Tuesday could be different?

Estanislao: Anything is possible, bro. That's the reason you put the teams on the field. You can never predict the outcome with certainty, but I believe that Carlos and Erasmo, as well as that cagapalo Virus, are going to get their asses kicked.

Maclovio: So you're putting your money on Eddie and Daniella?

Estanislao: They are another class of people. They won't embarrass our community and they will honestly serve. Los Buitres. like the vultures they are, just want to pick our bones. They are like Trump in that everything is negative. One of their favorite expressions to feed red meat to their few but rabid followers is that the superintendent is stupid. It's a description right out of Trump's playbook. The real stupid ones are the ignoramuses who haven't studied Carlos' ignominious record. They should go through Juan Montoya's archives on El Rrun Rrun and they would learn that Carlos is a cynical bastard who, again like Trump, only thinks of himself.

Maclovio: On what evidence are you basing your conclusion?

Estanislao: He tells the teachers he is going to help them. Bullshit. He didn't do anything during his three years on the board except take care of his wife and daughters' interest. He was a fireman who backstabbed his fellow firemen in order to become chief. He is facing felony charges at this very moment for stealing from the firemen. 

Maclovio: I heard he threatened your boss, Dr. G.F. McHale-Scully, for publishing critical articles about him in The McHale Report. Is that true?

Estanislao: I recall one incident when he started jawing with Doc in a Denney's parking lot. Doc stood there with his fists clinched waiting for Carlos to make the first move, but Carlos is the classic bully who when the shit his the fan is a coward. We all thought we were going to hear about the resurrection of Kid Lonas as Doc was called during his pugilistic career, but Carlos retreated to his corner and BISD Trustee Phil Cowen, who was standing between the two, awarded Doc a TKO victory.

Maclovio: And are you going to tell me that Doc pummeled Carlos the next day on the blog?

Estanislao: You know Doc's operating methods. For every one punch you throw, he is going to counter with five. 

Maclovio: I don't give a shit about Carlos, but I feel sorry for his family. His ambition only contribution to their humiliation.

Estanislao: Why should you give a shit? He doesn't give a shit about his family or he wouldn't thrust his ugly mug into our faces begging for power because he can't accept he is a nobody. But Brownsville is the Third World Capital of the United States and the cucarachas thrive, so a stink bug like Carlos will never admit that he is anything more than a gadfly whom no one takes seriously.

Maclovio: This is good shit, 'mano. How about being a gentleman and pouring me a glass of red?

Estanislao: You got it, bro.

BOOBY GOES BONKERS

 BOOBY WITLESS-CERVEZAS: "KRGV's lawyer is shutting down John Chambers' ad. The filth which is our courts and legal system never ceases to amaze me. When the facts came out, Chambers was stalking no one. He was doing surveillance on a minor arrested three times on drugs charges. Judge Janet Leal might want to look to Elia Cornejo-Lopez to see her future. She will not be tolerated. The hearing on the temporary injunction is at 3 p.m. If Chamber's lawyer fails to remove the case to federal court, then it is fair to say he has no idea what he is doing. Leal has no respect for the law or the First Amendment. The law is clear and she threw it to the wind. If Chambers' lawyer removes the case to federal court, the TRO will be voided and the bond paid over to Chambers. The truth about KRGV will come out. It is not a news station. It relies on the corruption of our courts to get what it wants." 

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Booby Witless-Cervezas, the publisher of The Brownsville Voice, doesn't make any sense even when we do our best at The McHale Reporter to edit his incoherent outbursts. For whatever reason, and it may be financial, Witless-Cervezas insists that Republican candidate "Chubby" John Chambers is the victim of a widespread conspiracy. Will Witless-Cervezas soon be arguing that Donald Trump is the victim of a China/Democratic conspiracy? In his ridiculous attempt to defend Chambers who may soon be doing time himself for multiple charges, Witless-Cervezas takes his usual shotgun approach and blasts KRGV, the justice system, State District Court Judge Janet Leal and even Chambers' own attorney without landing even a pellet. As we said: We don't understand this disbarred lawyer's motivation for insisting that Chambers is the victim other than Chambers is depositing a substantial amount of cash in this poor man's pockets. Witless-Cervezas can argue until he is blue, or in his case green, in the face. John Chambers, a Republican redneck who pays homage to Trump, wants to be sheriff of Cameron County. He was once convicted for 14 felonies. He is facing sentencing for 14 misdemeanors. According to extensive documentation and excellent reporting by /DP-M, the publisher of The Brownsville Republican, various women, including a 16-year-old girl, accused Chambers of stalking them. He was ultimately terminated by the Early Police Department in the wake of these complaints among a myriad of other grievances. Trouble and controversy have followed him wherever he has gone. Even The Brownsville Herald has taken him to the cleaners for his comportment. Besides Booby being looney, the verdict is incontrovertible: John Chambers is unfit to be sheriff of Cameron County.)

CHARLIE

 I'm still waiting for The Brownsville Times, that has been fair and balanced so far, to question Erasmo Castro on his sister's words that he was arrested in Mexico for fondling a young boy. She also claims he did it in the U.S., but the charges were dropped because his family intimidated the poor single mother who didn't have money to sue his fat ass. 

Erasmo Castro is an uneducated fool who dropped out of high school and left for Mexico. He fled because he also had been arrested three times in the late eighties and and early nineties, one being a felony for forgery and writing hot checks. He had six more arrests for embezzling and theft of monies. 

This guy can't help himself. He doesn't even have a GED. He claims that he went to Austin College and got a degree in religious studies while he lived in Austin, Texas, but the pendejo doesn't know that Austin College is in Sherman, Texas. 

It's lie after lie after lie. He took a page out of Trump's playbook and attacks others and discredits them to avoid his own indiscretions. Come on, Erasmo! Unblock me so we can have it out. You can lie and lie when I bring up all these things. Your audience is complicit because they won't even ask you about your sister Melissa and why she hates you. 

Everyone knows I don't do drugs, but you feel if you lie about that then people will believe you. I don't know Daniela Lopez-Valdez, but once I heard she was running against you, I quickly jumped on board. She has integrity. She isn't a liar. 

You make your followers believe you went to the FBI, but you are a fat liar. They won't even call you to testify because you don't know anything. You think you are important, but you are not. I believe every civilized voter will support Daniela because they know you are scum and can't be trusted around kids. 

You did tell your followers you took a picture of a young male and put hearts and likes, but you failed to tell them that this kid is a 15-year-old and was in a small towel exposing everything but his genitals. Come on, Erasmo! Tell the whole truth. That's why your colleagues on the BISD Board of Trustees voted unanimously to sanction you and block you from going to any BISD schools.

LAW DELIVERS GOODS

 Marshall Law, The McHale Report's expert on all police matters, ordered a bowl of pozole at Bertha's Cafe. He was dipping his spoon into the broth when he was interrupted by an attractive woman in her mid-thirties. He smiled.

"You don't me, but I know who you are," she said as an introduction. "I prefer our situation remain that way, but I have several questions that I know that you will answer honestly. Are you comfortable with that?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Is it true that sheriff candidate John Chambers was convicted for 14 felonies."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Is it true that he is awaiting sentencing for 14 misdemeanors?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Is it true that women have accused him of stalking them?"

"Yes, ma'am.'

"Is it true that the mother of a 16-year-old teenager accused him of stalking her daughter?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Is it true that he was fired subsequently from that police department?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"He is a Republican and a Trump supporter, right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Does he believe he can grab women like Trump?"

"The evidence indicates that might be a possibility."

"Is he a redneck?"

"If he isn't, he could appear in a movie in the role of one?"

"Do you believe the FBI is investigating him for a $225,000 credit card payment for his campaign."

"I have no information regarding that matter, but the FBI does have an informant regarding Chambers should the agency decide to pursue the matter."

"Why would anyone vote for him?"

"Why would anyone vote for Donald Trump?"

"True. Thank-you for your time, Mr. Law, and excuse me for interrupting you, but I have had it with crooks who are disguising themselves as politicians. Prevecho."

"Thank-you, ma'am."  

MINERVA & DENISE

 EL RRUN RRUN: "It seems that Minerva Peña is attempting to conceal the sources of her campaign contributions. Peña received $250 from Thelma Banduch and $250 from Hiram Gutierrez. These two are attorneys in the Edinburg office of Purdue, Brandon, Fielder, Collins and Mott, a property tax collection law firm. Peña also reports a $1000 contribution from a Brandon, the same name as one of the partners in the tax collection firm. None of these people lives in Brownsville, but Peña indicates they do. Garza's campaign report shows a $1000 contribution from the same tax collection firm. Seems odd that a law firm would give such a large contribution to a school clerk. It seems that Peña and Garza are working together with Sylvia Atkinson to get donations from firms wanting to do business with BISD. Neither Peña nor Garza can do this without Atkinson's help. All this seems very shady. Voting for Peña and Garza is like voting to continue with the corruption and fraud the way Atkinson likes it. Think about this: Is this what we want for BISD and our children?"

(EDITOR'S NOTE: BISD Board of Trustees President Minerva Peña won't reveal her weight and school district candidate Denise Garza won't disclose her age. They can't be trusted. After 12 years, Peña, besides being an embarrassment at every meaning, needs to go. Her comadre system puts her scalawags ahead of the students. Garza brings nothing to the table except a licked plate and a empty glass. While Peña was apparently clipping Dr. Sylvia Atkinson for a $2000 donation in exchange for the Christian's vote, Garza can't wait as an uneducated clerk yearning for the good life for the vendors to place a juicy steak on her plate and filled her glass with the finest wine. Two negatives don't make a positive. Peña and Garza are two steps back. At The McHale Report we are endorsing "Coach" Joe Rodriguez against the daffy Peña for his experience and Frankie Olivo against the dullard Garza for his education. They are at a minimum one step forward.) 

THE WHOLE

 I am finishing the first draft of The Coronavirus Chronicles. It has all the makings of a Tolstoy tome with a Faulkner flair. In order to edit this slam-dump masterpiece, I need to escape Brownsville for a foreign country and rent an apartment in a colonial setting with a balcony and a view of the narrow streets. With COVID limiting my options, I originally planned to go to Coimbra, Portugal, but Western Europe won't allow Americans in their countries.

COVID is also surging throughout Latin America, but the numbers are low in Uruguay. With legalized marijuana and tranquility a characteristic of its people, I'm considering moving to Montevideo the first of the year. Though I have my retirement and my savings, I need contributions to my cause. Then I read about the financing of Pink Ape's Rodrigo Moreno's film The Whole. Noted El Rrun Rrun Publisher Juan Montoya about the undertaking: 

"The sale and distribution of the film to Netflix would bring a hefty return ($750,000) to be shared by five investors. Moreno said that the investors were Brownsville Mayor Trey Mendez, $20,000, former Cameron County Judge and Texas Secretary of State Carlos Cascos, $15,000, BISD Trustee Dr. Sylvia Atkinson $30,000, Andy Vera, $5,000, and Moreno, $50,000."

I need $100,000. The Coronavirus Chronicles will easily gross $5 million. Those who lend money to complete this project, I will double their investments. Since Dr. Sylvia Atkinson has serious legal problems and Rodrigo Moreno is trying to make ends meet as he endeavors to finish his movie, I know I can't count on those two, but Mendez, Cascos and Vera have deep pockets and there is nothing like betting the house on a sure thing. 

I will be communicating with them shortly. I'm excited.

BOOBY EJACULATES

 BOOBY WITLESS-CERVEZAS: "No journalist in his right mind would post the name of a minor in a police report. (EDITOR'S NOTE: This is a blatant falsehood, but Booby has never allowed the truth to distract him when he has that sexual urge to go ballistic and ejaculate nonsense.) But that is exactly what Duardo, the publisher of The Brownsville Republic, did. It violates every known rule of journalistic ethics. He took Eric Garza's opposition research on John Chambers and just published it as truth as if allegations are ever proof of anything. Chambers is very accessible. Garza is not. Duardo pushes this false narrative of stalking. Duardo makes real journalist report claims without verification and giving the accused a voice. Duardo not knowing shit about journalism or the law sends me a demand letter I think was related to Chambers concerning confusion over an arrest warrant.  Unfortunately, until they get you to the station, some people are arrested on mistaken identity. There is no case. There is no violation of the law. I would imagine the man's attorney charged him a couple of thousand for a letter he knew would go nowhere.  But Duardo wants me to push Garza's opposition research on the Brownsville Voice. This is the real story: Garza accused Chambers of stalking a three-time arrested minor on drug charges. It is call surveillance, Duardo, and it is done every day. It should shock no one Garza is running cover for someone who was arrested three times on drug charges and calls surveillance on her stalking. Duardo is a failed journalist for a reason. So now Duardo is having one of his childish fits because Chambers will not talk to him. Chambers has seen his hack work and does not work with hacks. Man up, Duardo and admit you messed by not contacting Chambers before you went with the story. No real journalist accepts opposition research. But Duardo was never a real journalist; hence, he accepted the opposition research and never bothered to speak with Chambers before going with it. Now he cries like a baby because Chambers does not trust him."

(EDITOR'S NOTE: And we thought Donald Trump was desperate! John Chambers is Donald Trump's evil face in Cameron County. Running for Cameron County Sheriff as a Republican and facing a tough challenge in Democrat Eric Garza, the redneck is turning to Booby Witless-Cervezas, the publisher of El Brownsville Void, to counter the negative press arising from his gross lack of professionalism during his law enforcement career. Is this Chambers' demand for a return on an investment? How did Booby pay for his recent trip to San Diego, Califas when he is incessantly lamenting about his financial woes? At The McHale Report we won't begin with the blogger's diatribe. We will begin with Chambers since he is the candidate and Witless-Cervezas is his cheerleader. Chambers has a record that is worse than the criminals he will supervise if he triumphs. For starters, he looks cute in pink, a color his detractors suggest he will be donning once again in the near future. He has been convicted of 14 felonies in the past. He is presently awaiting sentencing on 14 misdemeanors. He was terminated in Early, Texas as a police officer based on multiple accusations, which included the stalking of women in general and the stalking of a 16-year-old girl in particular. /DP-M, the publisher of The Brownsville Republic, has based Chambers penchant for passionate but unwanted overtures toward females on documents from the Early Police Department that we possesses at The McHale Report. Witless-Cervezas claims that /DP-M is not a real journalist. This is just one of many lies that the bullying blogger is fostering in the above commentary. /DP-M had a distinguished 30-year career in journalism and wrote for some of the most illustrious newspapers in the nation. When he presents the facts about Chambers' alleged lack of professionalism, he is basing his facts on Early Police Department reports. "The reason why more and more of the major networks are hiring lawyers as journalist is because we understand evidence," bellows beer-bellied Booby with the body of a bowling ball and the head of a cue ball. We???!!! You were a lawyer, Booby, but the State of Texas disbarred your sorry ass because you brayed like a donkey in the courts. And you have never been a journalist--paper routes don't count--because you can't write. Why are you prostrating yourself at the feet of Chambers whom /DP-M asserts--based on the overwhelming evidence--is unfit for sheriff, an opinion which we at The McHale Report share with our longtime ally and friend? Why are you insinuating that Juan Montoya--the award-winning publisher of El Rrun Rrun--is on Chambers' payroll? Montoya is a Chicano in the spirit of Cesar Chavez and Juan Cortina and he would never sully his liberal reputation associating himself with a Republican renegade? There are scores of other questions we could pose, but we've wasted our time on Witless-Cervezas too many times in the past (Everybody knows he's a nut!) and we are pressed for time scrutinizing the documents regarding Chambers' checkered background. And we will be printing the relevant material so our readers can make an informed decision when voting. On a side note, Witless-Cervezas, hoping to shift the focus the attention on the sinless Garza and away from the sinner Chambers, is pushing this ludicrous narrative that Garza is protecting one of Chambers' victims the bloviating blogger asseverates is a drug dealer. As a judge might ask: "Where is the evidence, Mr. Disbarred Lawyer?"

TRUMP? NO!

I went for lunch after the noon crowd had split. I joined "Delta" Dave Handelman. We ordered a pound of fajitas. The meal came with chips, frijoles a la charra and tortillas. Dave ordered a Tecate, but it was too early in the day for me to drink. I wanted to hit the weights in the afternoon and play tennis with Estanislao in the evening. The first significant norther--temperatures predicted to drop 20 degrees and linger for several days--was blowing into Brownsville and it was gathering steam. A cold front gathering steam? I thought to myself. A better metaphor might inspire me later. Perfection is a difficult goal to achieve.

"One week from today and we'll know," said Dave. "How does it look to you?"

"After Clinton's defeat, it's a cliffhanger. And if we suffer another defeat, it will be a heartbreaker. You and I agree that we know nothing, but we may be outnumbered by the ignoramuses who believe they know something."

"But the numbers are trending in our favor and Biden owns a huge lead in the electoral college. There are at least a dozen states up for grabs and Biden is leading in everyone except for a couple and in those he is only trailing by a few points. I calculate that if he wins four of these twelve, he is the next president."

"I don't disagree with your numbers and I am cautiously optimistic, but there is so much at stake that you can't help but be paranoid. The consequences of a loss will plunge this country into chaos with the pandemic gaining strength as it sweeps the country once again. Trump is holding these outrageous rallies in which wearing masks and maintaining social distancing is considered an insult by the president. Trump has committed his strategy to Darwin's survival of the fittest that in his scientific mind will evolve into a herd immunity. If a million people have to die, Trump is willing to pay that price with our lives. We can't fully enjoy this meal because COVID could ambush us anywhere and at anytime. He has a rich man's mentality. I wouldn't be surprised if he could trace his heritage back to Maria Antoinette. He wouldn't think twice about snarling as we struggled for our health and with employment disappearing, 'Let them eat cake!'"

"Do you believe that if Trump loses that he will resort to the courts to reverse the result?"

"He will do anything to retain power. As a person, a politician and a plutocrat, he has no moral compass. He must triumph at all costs. He was raised a pampered child and the Republicans have pampered him as president. I usually say if you win by one point or 50 points it doesn't make a difference, but I'm praying for a significant victory in the electoral college that even the most reactionary Republicans won't dare defend if he resorts to extreme tactics to retain power."

"Why are people so stupid when it comes to national politics?"

"Because they are as stupid when it comes to local politics. Can you imagine Erasmo Castro and Carlos Elizondo on the school board? Can you imagine John Chambers as sheriff? When the authorities arrested them for their various felonies and misdemeanors, they should have thrown away the keys once these three were in their cells. They, like Trump, are nothing but agents of chaos. Their idea of making things better is by making things worse. In Brownsville we are known as the Third World Capital of the United States. Leadership isn't following misguided madmen off cliffs. Leadership isn't refusing to take responsibility for 225,000 deaths with thousands more to follow as the cases surpass all-time highs. We've had an easy life, partner. We let all the poor whites, blacks and browns fight and die for us in Vietnam while we pursued literature degrees and drank, smoked and fucked to our heart's content. We've been cruising our entire lives. We know history. Life isn't supposed to be easy. And now we know. Will we ever know normal again when by merely leaving our homes we are risking our lives?"

"Take it a step further. Whenever our wives and children return home from an errand or an outing, we are at the mercy of dwindling odds. And god have mercy on our souls if we dare allow someone other than a family member into our houses. But we haven't surrendered completely, have we? Texas football still reigns, doesn't it? How did Michael do in his last game?"

"They won, 14-13, and Michael was the leading receiver. He played well. I feel so sorry for our youth. They deserve normal lives, but I'm sure Jewish mothers and fathers felt the same way as their families were uprooted and condemned to death in concentration camps. Everything is relative. I don't want Michael deprived of his football season, but then I think about all the families who have been deprived of 225,000 loved ones and I have to reprimand myself for my selfishness. We have survived the plague unscathed thus far although if I had to bet, I would wager that Biden has more of a chance of winning than us escaping COVID. Trump owes us a pound of flesh and we must collect all 250 pounds from that fat pig. Karma is a bitch and Trump is a bastard. I wish I were St. Peter when that motherfucker came knocking. He would receive an immediate one-way ticket to hell. Since I'm not manning the pearly gates, I can only hope that we can give this piece of shit a one-way ticket out of Washington D.C."

"Do you think the Dodgers will clinch the World Series tonight?" asked Dave.

"I could care less, compadre. There is only one game in town and that's the presidential showdown next Tuesday. We have to win. Defeat is a death sentence."

ERASMO INSULTS DANIELLA

 Erasmo Castro, a man who could be confused with a mongrel, has no qualms about insulting Cameron County Commissioner Joey Lopez's daughter, Daniella Lopez-Valdez. He thinks his affronts directed toward the successful businesswoman will inspire his ignorant followers to come to the polls in record numbers, thus paving the way to a victory against Lopez-Valdez and a seat on the Brownsville Independent School District Board of Trustees.

This self-proclaimed Christian preacher with the mark of Cain calls her a "dog" and accuses her of being a puppet of the special interests. Like Donald Trump, he specializes in gutter politics. He has taken to the internet to berate her dignity at every turn. The county commissioner has wisely advised his daughter that they are not going to wallow in the mire with Castro.

And they haven't. While Castro calls the superintendent stupid and the trustees corrupt, Lopez-Valdez has run a positive campaign in which she lauds the district's successes and recognizes its challenges. Articulate and educated, the beauty has comported herself honorably while the beast can't control his wild rantings and ravings.

But to call this lady a "dog" and believe there will be no repercussions for his vitriol is indicative of an individual who realizes that he is losing the election and, as a result, he is losing his mind. 

But there is only so much a father can take, particularly when his wife and his three daughters epitomize everything a man would desire in a family. As a veteran politician, however, he keeps his cool and tells his daughter that they aren't going to exploit their adversary's despicable performance as a BISD trustee. Of course, they wouldn't be telling anyone in Brownsville anything they didn't already know about this puerile pigmy who isn't quite the big man he thinks he is. The truth? He is a pathetic bully.

Joey hugs his daughter and comforts her with these words, "There's only one more week, honey. We are respected in the community and we're not going to do anything that would tarnish our family's reputation. We are not going to demean ourselves by engaging in the same behavior."

Lopez High School is named after a family matriarch. Daniella is the next generation embracing the opportunity to serve her community. She has all the qualities to represent the BISD well, but when you deal with a mean-spirited individual like Castro, you have to know before hand that he wouldn't think twice about condemning God to hell if he felt it was in his best interests.

"El Queso" had his chance and blew it. His outrageous comportment forced the board to prohibit him from stepping on any of the district's campuses and he finally had to resign after the police jailed him for being publicly intoxicated.

And he has the audacity to cast the first stone when he lives in a house of glass. We would call him a dog, but we don't want to defame man's best friend. Instead, we will just call him an ass. Has there ever been a Brownsville politician so crass?

BOOBY DEFENDS CHAMBERS

 "Juan!" shrieked Booby Witless-Cervezas, the publisher of El Brownsville Void. "I verified John Chambers side of 2002 story. He arrested the girl three times on drug charges. She was being monitored to make sure she was not distributing in the school or to other teenagers. The document thump posted is questionable. It was prepared by a cousin who was an officer. Juan, we both know no police department would release the name of a minor. So basically Eric is defending a female minor arrested three times on drug charges."

Witless-Cervezas has never defended anyone in his life. He has earned his reputation as a rabid, crazed mongrel that never ceases attacking. But he has suddenly changed. He no longer calls himself the unbought blogger. 

In his last campaign report Republican candidate John Chambers reported that he had paid Rodrigo Moreno, the owner of Pink Ape, $225,000. Did Moreno funnel some of that money to Witless-Cervezas because presently he is only writing positively about the good ol' boy Chambers while he rips the Democratic nominee Eric Garza? 

Nobody has exposed Chambers' dastardly past more thoroughly than /DP-M, the publisher of The Brownsville Republic. Based on documents that we also have at The McHale Report, /DP-M posted that Chambers had been accused of stalking women in general and a 16-year-old girl in particular. 

Giving /DP-M the peculiar name of "thump" after the monikers with which he had previously baptized him hadn't stuck, Witless-Cervevas countered, "The document thump posed is questionable." There is nothing questionable about the documents. 

In fact, there is nothing questionable about the approximate 20 documents that detail Chambers' sordid character. His unprofessional actions led to his termination at the Early Police Department. Demonstrating that he has sold his soul to this Republican redneck, Witless-Cervezas scribbles incoherently, "Eric is defending a female minor arrested three times on drug charges." 

And we thought only Trump made up facts. No publication has ever mentioned Garza's name in connection with Chambers' grotesque behavior. And why is he pleading with Juan whom he has always called a drunk among score of other epithets? Are he and Montoya in cahoots? Is Brownsville's most influential blogger also accepting money from the Chambers' camp? 

/DP-M, in his usual fashion, was quick to retort. This is his response to Witless-Cervezas about the veracity of his reporting regarding Chambers and his crass comportment as a law officer: 

The documentation of numerous on-the-job missteps is official, the documents we offered are real, and then there was this: When we reached him for comment, Cameron County Sheriff’s candidate John Chambers hung up the phone on us (see our previous stories).

In itself, his hesitancy was not a Big Deal.

We at The Republic had decided not to endorse his candidacy (nor that of his opponent Eric Garza) because we felt a looksee at his background was enough to see him as unqualified to lead such a large department.

Chambers does have law enforcement experience, but all of it is in small town settings. He has NOT WORKED for sophisticated police departments in San Antonio, Austin or Dallas. It’s been little Early, Texas (near Brownwood) and little Gruver, way up in the Texas Panhandle near the Oklahoma border. Closer to home, he was police chief of tiny Indian Lake, until he wasn’t. A good account at that episode can be found on Juan Montoya’s blog. Problems and trouble chased him nearly everywhere he went. Chambers did not want to discuss any of it, telling us tersely us to go vote for the other guy if that’s who we wanted.

A few of those problems made it into stories we have already published.

There is much more, but we hesitated in blowing them up into a full-fledged series for two reasons: The incidents chronicled in the material we received from a source who would not tell us who she represented were from the years 2002 and 2003. That, to us, seemed too-long ago. Perhaps more important for county voters to review would have been more recent episodes of bad law enforcement on his part. The second reason was that we felt our early writings about Chambers and his campaign had already defined him as a bad choice for sheriff.

Subsequent to all of this, we E-mailed the entire trove of material to Brownsville bloggers Juan Montoya (an educated Journalist) and Robert Wightman-Cervantes, the latter acknowledging receipt of the material today, after we noticed he had commented on Montoya’s blog questioning the newsworthiness of the documents.

They are newsworthy. There is no question here about that. Political candidates are open books, from birth to Election Day and, for some, beyond that.

Montoya did not reply; Wightman wrote back saying, “No journalist would find this (material) newsworthy.” That’s his opinion and who are we to quarrel with his idea of anything being newsworthy. We could, but we sorta know him by now. Wightman is not a Journalist, by training or by desire. His bent is to argue, to judge, to quickly convict, perhaps because of his legal background.

Chambers knows what sort of troubles he had earlier in his career. He even went on record with some obscure news outlets that he welcomed all inquiries from the press. He hung up the phone on us, after we asked him directly about the incident involving a 16-year-old girl in Early that his own police department logged as a “stalking” case, this, to be fair, after her mother alleged that’s what Chambers was doing.

The material we sent over to Bloggers Montoya and Wightman was not for discussion on our part. We’d made our decision to write-off Chambers with enough stories to offer the info to county voters, who ultimately will be the ones to decide whether he is worthy or not.

We simply thought that other eyes on the material might yield other reporting angles, or perhaps even an unfolding of every incident contained in the material. We were not looking for blogger support or for a definition of whether the material is newsworthy or not.

It most definitely is…if only because every page of documents goes to his police work, his behavior while employed by the department and on the job – something voters might wish to use when deciding which way to go on candidates.

There is a document or two in which Chambers says he is being ostracized by other officers, his colleagues, and he does blame some of the accusations on those fellow officers. But there is so much more, like his then-wife being accused of having multiple affairs with inmates at an incarceration unit where she worked.

That is neither here nor there as it relates to his candidacy.

But it is where he comes from, his law enforcement past, in other words, as he now wishes to lead a sheriff’s office 100-times the size of any other department he has been ever elected or hired to lead.

We say that is something to consider…

/DP-M FORWARDS JUAN INFO

 /DP-M: "We have sent a copy of the trove of John Chambers law enforcement career troubles we received via Email to local Blogger Juan Montoya..."

(EDITOR'S NOTE: /DP-M, the publisher of The Brownsville Republic, wants John "El Chorizo" Chambers' castrated politically. Over the last three weeks he has published again and again damming and documented evidence that the Republican candidate for Cameron County Sheriff has an unforgiveable predilection for "stalking" that makes him unfit to serve even as a Walmart security guard. In an award-winning display of investigative reporting, /DP-M did his homework and from official documents published that Chambers as a policeman in Early, Texas was facing "unacceptable charges of stalking young women" and that on another dark occasion he was "stalking a 16-year-old girl" that among other complaints culminated in his dismissal from the good ol' boys' hick town. /DP-M is furious that the electorate would vote for a Trump redneck who appears as vice-ridden as the prurient president. "'El Chorizo' is a rotten apple riddled with worms," said Maclovio O'Malley, La Voz de los Vatos who is working the barrios for TSC candidates Adela Garza and Alejandra Aldrete. "I would never allow him within a mile of my daughters. The man was found guilty on 14 felony counts and now is awaiting sentencing for 14 misdemeanor counts. He is indubitably cementing his reputation throughout the county as the Lawless Lawman." /DP-M is on a crusade and we have locked arms with this paragon of virtue, often compared to Jesus Christ for his impeccable moral code. We have joined his cause by relying on his unquestioned integrity as a journalist to reveal the real Chambers. Chambers can best be described as a White-Trash Trump. In an act of cooperation that defines the bloggers' commitment to justice, /DP-M has sent El Rrun Rrun's Publisher Juan Montoya the documents detailing Chambers' miscreant behavior. As a Catholic, Montoya will discover that the hypocritical Christian is culpable of mortal sins, not venial sins. The father of several daughters, nothing infuriates Montoya more than a man who harasses women. And a man that harasses a 16-year-old girl!!! "If accountability and transparency are demanded by any candidate from other candidates, then it should apply to everyone who runs for public office," Montoya recently promulgated regarding males who threaten females either physically or psychologically. It is a standard that has marked his career for taking no prisoners. And Chambers thought he was going to be sheriff. When Montoya finishes with him, he will find himself at Rucker Carrizales, but not as sheriff. He'll be prisoner 696969. We owe a great debt of gratitude to /DP-M for supplying Montoya with the police reports. McAllen may be /DP-M's vieja, but Brownsville is his movida. Well-known for his daring sword play, the swashbuckling Don Juan de la Frontera prides himself on keeping his mistress content by warning her of pretenders who might portray themselves as White Knights in Shining Armor, but who, in reality, are the blackest of blackguards. Sometimes too many words obstruct the essence of a message. Like a bullfighter burying his sword to the hilt into the bull's neck, his message is a clean thrust: "Chambers is unfit to be sheriff." He has handed Montoya the sword for the coup de grace. How deep will Montoya bury the blade into this stalker? We await his performance. In the ring of border blogging, he is the unmatched matador.) 

JUAN & /DP-M

 JUAN MONTOYA: "We notice that Dr. G.F. McHale-Scully, the publisher of The McHale Report, has been very selective about picturing his political enemies – or non-ad buyers – in orange jump suits, but not his nephew. This is so intellectually dishonest that it goes beyond the pale of poetic or journalistic license. If accountability and transparency are demanded by any candidate from other candidates, then it should apply to everyone who runs for public office."

(EDITOR'S NOTE: It must be a terrible burden to carry around principles. It must be an even more horrible burden to shoulder convictions. Juan Montoya, whose professional reporting and writing talents reduce his former colleague /DP-M at The Brownsville Herald to amateur status, is Brownsville's last-standing Chicano. He is a walking Cesar Chavez while his McAllen buddy is more of a John Cowen disguised as a Mexican-American. The publisher of the award-winning El Rrun Rrun doth protest too much. Like any blogger who comprehends the art, Juan has never sullied his prose with objectivity. Why? Because there is no such thing as objectivity. Are Fox and CNN objective? Of course not! Are The Washington Post and The Washington Examiner objective? Of course not. An individual must access various sources before reaching an informed decision on an issue. Brownsville is lucky to have so many blogs with opinions, sympathies and biases that stretch the entire spectrum. The trouble with both Juan and /DP-M is that they are old school. They think of themselves as journalists when journalism no longer exists. We contend that if objectivity is the foundation of journalism, then journalism has never existed. And when it comes to blogging, journalism is a facade. Blogging is about total freedom. We can write truths, lies, rumors, fiction and exploit any other genre that suits our purposes. We are entertainers. We are conduits of information. Journalism is for those at the bottom of the ladder. Real bloggers are performance artists. We have the skills and we use them to improvise. We abuse this blank screen to extemporize. Whatever Juan posts, we read. Whatever /DP-M posts, we read. Whatever the other bloggers post, we read. Then we reach our own conclusions. At The McHale Report, we are mindful of the audience. More importantly, we are mindful of ourselves. If our own creations fulfill us, we know that there are readers who share our vision. And those who start pulling out their hair in a woebegone fury, we know that we've hit the bull's eye. We find it amusing that Juan and /DP-M sit on their imaginative thrones and like King Solomon arbitrate between right and wrong. ¡Ya con el puro pedo, cabrones! You both need to stay on your bar stools and cut that Palm Lounge burger in half. And I'll buy the bucket.)

GARZA 10-26

 John Chambers, the Republican Cameron County Sheriff nominee, recently covered the county with his flyers announcing his love for God. It is true that like God little girls catch his eye and nobody would be surprised if Chambers were going door to door a la Donald Trump with a Bible over his head.

But in his hypocritical testimony that he has been sent to save this god-forsaken corner of the country, he has encountered, to his dismay, the devil. And who is this Satan character? He is probably the finest journalist the Rio Grande Valley has ever produced. The McAllen Marvel, he calls himself /DP-M.

He has been riding Chambers hard like Trump rides one of his prostitutes. Three weeks ago he broke the story of the campaign season when he asserted that Chambers had been stalking a 16-year-old girl. Stalking a 16-year-old girl!!!

Yes! Stalking a 16-year-old girl!!!

The titillating tidbit didn't cause a stir. Disappointed by the lack of reaction, /DP-M noted again this weekend that Chambers had been accused of stalking a 16-year-old girl. This time the veteran journalist's gained the attention he so desperately desires as any hard-working reporter does when he has a scoop that deserves publicity in order to save the community from a sexual predator.

"It's the block-busting scandal of the campaign season," said Scott Steinbeck. "/DP-M has grabbed Chambers' six-shooter and filled him with holes. We have received the same documents that /DP-M is utilizing to expose the rapacious and not the religious Chambers. The information certainly substantiates /DP-M's conclusion that Chambers is unfit for the job."

"We are not apologizing for chasing the John Chambers' information," thunders /DP-M who has struck his victim through the heart with a bolt of lightning. And neither should he as he crusades for the voiceless masses eking out existences on this shank of land known as the Rio Grande Valley. What will /DP-M break next regarding the creepy Chambers.

Will it match his October 6th posting: "Mr. Chambers does have a track record that would indicate an inability to get along with colleagues, with unacceptable charges of stalking young women, with firings and dismissals – too many for The Republic to consider him a credible candidate."

Unfortunately, /DP-M's foot work didn't create the stampede he desired so he decided this his sensationalistic inside info deserved another crack this weekend. It wasn't a pretty commentary for Chambers who endeavors to portray himself as the Second Coming.

"John Chambers, the chubby, aw-shucks Republican in the Nov. 3rd contest against Democrat Eric Garza needs to be looked-at carefully by county voters," penned /DP-M over a bottle of his favorite Shiraz. 

"There is, as we have noted in previous reporting, something to make you wonder. He’s worked law enforcement in his odd own way (stalking a 16-year-old girl in one incident), been the outsider in his own department (Early, Texas) and even been arrested."

Wow!

Sometimes you have to drag a politician through the mud and there is no doubt that /DP-M has dumped Chambers in the pig sty and left him to drown in the mire. Garza should hire /DP-M as his publicist. The Democrat would win in a landslide.

GARZA 10-26 SHOULD CHAMBERS RESIGN

Before /DP-M broke the story that Republican Cameron County Sheriff candidate "Chubby" John Chambers was accused of stalking a 16-year-old girl and according to the Baker Boys was eventually relieved of his duties when he was a policeman in the good ol' boy town of Early, Texas, was Chambers even sheriff material for starters?

As police chief of Hicksville, better known in the RGV as Indian Lake, it was one problem follow by yet another controversy. And he expects to manage the Cameron County Sheriff Department!

He escaped by the skin of his teeth paying the price for 14 felonies. Now he is awaiting sentencing for 14 misdemeanors. If he were to win, would he have his office in a jail cell. Would the prisoners work for him as guards?

/DP-M, the consummate journalist whose résumé would be the dream of any Brownsville Herald hack, is sitting on a treasure trove of documents that only add to Chambers' tarnished reputation as the Lawless Lawman. Will /DP-M publish more sensational articles about Chambers' piss-poor professional past or will he entertain himself in the style of a cat playing with a mouse? /DP-M is an eccentric fellow so nobody ever knows his true motivations.

In his lurid accounts of Chambers stalking a 16-year-old girl, /DP-M wrote in his original scoop that Chambers was "stalking young women." Besides the incident with the teenager, is /DP-M asserting that there was a pattern of behavior that he will flesh out for his readership in the upcoming days?

A life filled with felonies and misdemeanors. A professional record that reads more like a criminal record. An uncage beast on the loose as /DP-M categorically charges based on records to which we also have access at The McHale Report. This is John Chambers. And he is asking for your vote so he can enforce the law. We would conclude from the overwhelming evidence that he is much more adept at breaking the law. 

Nobody has done this community a worthier service than /DP-M. And he doesn't even live in Brownsville and Cameron County. He lives in McAllen and Hidalgo County. He has made, he is making and he will continue to make the case that Chambers is unfit to be sheriff.

He is absolutely right? Chambers should withdraw from the race in the wake of /DP-M's incriminating revelations. One Trump is enough. We don't need two.

STIJA RESULTS FROM RUNOFFS

 The South Texas Independent Journalists Association (STIJA) publishes the most respected poll in the region. Tuesday's results were a mixed bag.

"If you were to put our performance into baseball terms, you could say that we whacked two homers and whiffed on three pitches," said Anthony Starr, STIJA's esteemed president. "There are those associations that are afraid to venture into the on-deck circle, but at STIJA we never think twice about striding into the batter's box and taking our swings."

These are the predictions followed by the results: State Senator Eddie Lucio Jr., 52%; Sara Stapleton-Barrera, 48%. Final: Lucio, 53%; Stapleton, 47%. Sheriff Omar Lucio, 54%; Eric Garza, 46%. Final: Garza, 57%; Lucio, 43%. State District Court #138: Gabby Garcia, 56%; Helen Delgadillo, 44%. Final: Garcia, 57%; Delgadillo, 43%.

"In the State Senator and judge races we hit the ball out of the park as we nailed not only the winners but the percentages also," continued Starr. "When you are within one percentage point, it is an impressive feat.

"But the minute you start bragging about your talents, you will find yourself eating your words that same minute. If we were in the majors, we would be on the next bus back to the minors after the sheriff's fiasco. We embarrassed ourselves, but that's the nature of competition. You are going to get your ass kicked occasionally.

"Where did we go wrong as Garza more than flipped our numbers? There were two issues that undermined Lucio in spite of the fact that he had decades of experience and Garza didn't have a day as a cop under his belt. /DP-M, the publisher of The Brownsville Republic, repeated time and time again that at 84 years of age Lucio should have retired to the bullpen years ago and that the team needed a young starting twirler. That pitch resonated.

"Then there were the Reyna brothers, Gus and Javier. In the long run it wasn't Lucio who suffered the setback. It was the Reynas who hoped to succeed their boss one day, but while Lucio, who has always comported himself like a gentleman and was gracious in defeat, the Reynas have earned the scorn of many detractors over the years. Their critics contend that Gus and Javier's arrogance is insufferable and that part of Lucio's defeat can be attributed to them.

"Of course, you have to credit the victor himself. Initially, he was throwing bean balls at Lucio's head, but he settled into a more conventional strategy with mentor and respected law enforcement veteran Robert Gracia providing him with key guidance. When the dust had finally settled, he had thrown a masterpiece. From a broader perspective, this outcome represented the classic generational change."

"Garcia's triumph over Delgadillo surprised nobody," continued Starr. "She mounted an insurmountable 48% to 31% lead in the primary and rode that momentum yesterday. With a Brownsville base against her foe's Port Isabel base, she had the numbers of her side, but she is a charismatic personality who is hot on the hustings. Delgadillo shouldn't be downcast because she didn't have the manpower or the money to cover the county, but she established the foundation for a future challenge.

"As The McHale Report opined earlier, did Senator Lucio lose in winning?" posed Starr. "With 34 years of experience, deep pockets and friends in high places, he should have buried Stapleton-Barrera, but he didn't. He barely beat the young attorney in Cameron County and only the votes in Hidalgo and three smaller counties allowed him to emit a sigh of relief at the end.

"But what is the Senator's future? He thought long and hard about this undertaking before he committed himself to the campaign. It is no secret that he wants his son, the State Rep, to succeed him, but the latter's 54% to 46% victory against Erin Gamez in the primary was as equally unimpressive as the father's figures last night. Both father and son know that they are no longer the formidable forces they once were in the past. Just like at the end of nine innings, the numbers don't lie. They may remain in first place, but their lead is shrinking.

"So we can close the scorebook on another election, but with the presidential, state, county, BISD, TSC and BND looming in the not-too-distant future, there is still plenty of baseball to be played."

CHAMBERS 8-31

 Marshall Law, The McHale Report's expert on all matters police, had no problem finding an empty booth after the lunch rush at The Vermillion. The Vermillion, Brownsville's most popular watering hole for almost a century, has been taking a beating like all restaurant/bars during the pandemic. Justo Leyes, the blog's legal expert, joined him. They ordered nachos with the works and a bucket of beers.

Law: I'm going to give Sheriff Lucio a mulligan on this one because he has always been a straight shooter in the past.

Leyes: What are you talking about, partner?"

Law: Lucio lost fair and square to Eric Garza in the Democratic Primary. Democrats spoke loudly and clearly that they wanted a change even though I endorsed the sheriff because I felt he had done a solid job for more than two decades. Regardless, he got his ass kicked, but rather than accept his defeat with class, he is endorsing the Republican John Chambers. This is unacceptable to all Democrats in these times of Trump. Garza may be a rookie, but he's clean. If you search Chambers' name on Google, it isn't a pretty picture. The man has been charged with more felonies than Carlos Elizondo and he couldn't run his little hole-in-wall town, Indian Lake, without a spate of personnel problems. And a vote for a Republican is an abject display of homage for Trump. I don't think Lucio realizes that we are in the middle of a Democratic/Republican Civil War and we Democrats are not tolerating any defections.

Leyes: Everybody says the reason Lucio lost was because his two chief deputies--Gus and Javier Reyna--had turned the public against their boss with their attitudes. The brothers won't have jobs under a Garza administration. As a result, according to the talk on the streets, is that Lucio is giving Chambers his support in exchange for employing Gus and Javier.

Law: I've heard the same story from The Toddle Inn to Ricardo's when I've gone for my huevos rancheros. I'm a Democrat. From Joe Biden to Laura Perez-Reyes, I'm voting the palanca because Republicans have fallen into the abyss and there is no rescuing them. They have sold their souls to Trump and they are more committed to a cult than they are to our country. I am so disappointed that Lucio has chosen to betray his fellow Democrats.

Leyes: You vociferously argued for months that Garza didn't have the experience and there are many who agree because he has never worked in law enforcement. Why aren't you giving Lucio the benefit of the doubt and accepting that Lucio has reached the same conclusion in the general election that you were promoting in the runoff?

Law: It's a fair question. Garza is a successful bureaucrat as his many years as the Cameron County District Clerk proved. He managed a competent office with little controversy. The sheriff's department is a huge administrative challenge. He will streamline the operations while he turns the cop side over to Robert Gracia, well-respected by his peers based on his vast experience. I'm confident they can do the job. Garza handles the money and Gracia handles the men. Democrats in overwhelming numbers decided they wanted change and they have entrusted this change to Garza. While I might have differed in the runoff, I know that we need change from Washington D.C. to Brownsville. I'm confident that Garza and Gracia will be a competent one-two punch. Chambers is a good ol' boy at best who is mired in the status quo. He is a hick-town police chief right out of Mayberry's Barney Fife's tradition.

Leyes: I don't like Lucio's traitorous act because it's just plain sour grapes in my estimation. We need Democrats in office more than at any time in our nation's history. I agree that Garza and Gracia make a good team and I can tell you this: Andy Griffith was a good friend of mine and John Chambers is no Andy Griffith.

CHAMBERS 9-10

 BOOBY WITLESS-CERVEZAS: "The last time we voted out Sheriff Omar Lucio, we got drug dealer Conrado Cantu. I want Trump in jail, along with his children, and Melania deported for lying on her original application, but I will be voting for John Chambers. If you can vote for Eric Garza merely because he is a Democrat, then you are the cause of our corruption."

(EDITOR'S NOTES: Booby Witless-Cervezas, the publisher of The Brownsville Void, bellows "corruption" every week. Last week he was accusing the respected Association of Brownsville Educators (AOBE) of corruption because the organization didn't endorse his candidates. AOBE enforces a strict democratic process and its members decided. Witless-Cervezas, taking a page from Trump's book, wants to be the tyrant and impose his choices regardless of the majority's preferences. To nobody's surprise, the blogger suffered yet another emotional breakdown and threatened the AOBE female leadership and hundreds of BISD employees with a "blood bath" if they didn't rescind their endorsements. Unintimidated, AOBE's president went to the Brownsville Police Department and filed a compliant. The BPD is investigating. So who's corrupt this week? Cameron County D.A. Luis Saenz? Cameron County Judge Eddie Treviño? Brownsville Mayor Trey Mendez? City Commissioner Jessica Tetreau-Kalifa? Before we identify his latest target, it should be pointed out that Witless-Cervezas' spinal stimulator is causing him grief. "I feel horrible pain from the healing," lamented the "sick puppy" as Dr. Polyphemous Pangloss calls him. "Sometimes in bed when I move it feels like the stimulator is going to pull right through the skin." Whenever he is going to start screaming that the sky is falling, Witless-Cervezas always prefaces these unhinged accusations with a health report that puts him at death's door. This is his escape hatch when he has trapped himself with his own words and needs to make a speedy exit. This week's special guest on the Booby W-C hot seat is former Cameron County District Clerk and Democratic Sheriff nominee Eric Garza. It seems the Democrats preferred Garza over Witless-Cervezas' pick, Sheriff Omar Lucio. Though the bullying blogger isn't threatening those Democrats who disagreed with him with a "blood bath," he is accusing them of "corruption" as he does his best to draw a comparison between Garza and Conrado Cantu. Instead, the blogger is endorsing Republican John Chambers. Booby is like the Bernie Sanders supporters who jumped to the Republican side because their candidate didn't receive the Democratic nomination. If any comparisons can be drawn, google Chambers and with all his felony charges and personnel problems at his Indian Lake police station, introducing him as the next Conrado Cantu might be appropriate.)

CHAMBERS 9-10

 Booby Witless-Cervezas, the pugnacious publisher of The Brownsville Void, has suddenly joined Trump the Terrible's Republican Party and will vote for John Chambers against the Democrats' Eric Garza in the November race for Cameron County Sheriff.

The bowling ball blogger, with a cue ball for a head, is trying to compare Garza, who did a professional job as the Cameron County District Clerk for several years, with Conrado Cantu. Cantu abused cocaine and alcohol, lived a tawdry life and was controlled by the cartels. What is the proof that Garza would be the next Cantu. Like his new mentor Trump, Booby makes accusations that have no basis. And like Trump, he dares anyone to sue him.

As to his crawling under the sheets with Chambers, at The McHale Report we decided to google Chambers. There are enough stories critical of Chambers that his critics that he has all the makings for the next Conrado Cantu. This story ran on Channel 23's news feed. One would think that Chambers had joined Los Buitres and was running for a seat on the BISD School Board. The TV station reports:

BROWNSVILLE – On Thursday, the 13th Court of Appeals upheld a conviction that ruled that a former Indian Lake Police Chief is guilty of tampering with government documents.

John Chambers was arrested in 2015 after an investigation found that while police chief he instructed a subordinate officer to create false records showing that 14 reserve officers had taken and passed a firearms training.

Chambers was indicted on 14 counts of tampering with a government document with the intent to harm or defraud.

After being found guilty of every count, Chambers was sentenced to concurrent 2-year prison terms, with probation for five years by the 103rd Judicial District Court.

In 2017, Chambers appealed to the 13th Court of Appeals, who affirmed the decision from the district court.

Chambers again appealed, this time to the Court of Criminal Appeals and the court sent the case to the Court of Appeals for further review.

Following an investigation, the Court of Appeals found that Chambers did tamper with a government document.

The Court of Appeals sent the case back to the trail court for a new punishment hearing.

Chambers faces up to a year in county jail for each guilty count.

CHAMBERS 9-10

 BOOBY WITLESS-CERVEZAS: "Jerry proves that Eric Garza knows nothing but contempt for the law and will get the county sued. Jerry, the self-professed drug addict and pornographer, accuses Garza of being with the drug cartels while taking his money to spread lies. Is Garza paying him in pot or unreported money? Why do Jerry and Garza lie? Because for them being a sheriff does not include honor or integrity. Is Garza now an employee of the Robert Gracia and Mark A. Johnson's political brothel? For months I have been fed garbage on Gracia and Johnson. I have published none of it because as is nearly always the case, when you ask for proof, they go silent. If I were Johnson, I would get a criminal defense attorney now before Gracia throws him under the bus. Democrats are coming out of the woodwork to denounce Garza as the face of corruption, which makes Cameron County a cesspool. John Chambers is good for Cameron County. You need to vote for integrity and not a "D" next to someone's name. If you cannot smell a rat, you need to get a doctor because you have lost your sense of smell and have COVID. If The Brownsville Herald or any TV station accepts any more Garza ads, they are on notice they could be sued for forfeiture."

(EDITOR'S NOTES: When we edit a Booby Witless-Cervezas' article at The McHale Report, it is like putting together a jigsaw puzzle. It's fun taking the wild rantings of this bloviating blogger and arranging them into a coherent presentation although it's impossible to eradicate all his mental muddlings. Now that the publisher of The Brownsville Void is a goose-stepping Trump toady, "Blood Bath" Booby has become the Hispanic version of the perverted president. He has decided that he is going to support Republican John Chambers because the latter has experience on both sides of the bars. Since Chambers has an ignominious past detailed on Google as well as having suffered the shame of his own Republican Party repudiating him as its sheriff candidate in a previous election, Witless-Cervezas can only engineer the Second Coming of Conrado Cantu by unleashing a ruthless smear campaign against Democratic nominee Eric Garza. It is laughable the extremes Witless-Cervantes will desperately explore as he does his best to supplant reality with fiction. But after we submit his writings to our grammar and poetic standards, there is a mad artistry in his insanity. The motif, however, never changes. He launches baseless accusations, charges everyone with corruption that would include his own mother except she's dead and threatens individuals and institutions with dire repercussions if they don't adhere to his dictates. With the season's first norther sweeping through South Texas, Booby's hot air quickly dissipates in the refreshing weather.)     

CHAMBER 9-11

 BOOBY WITLESS-CERVEZAS: "This is the political brothel of Robert Gracia and Mark A. Johnson with their number one whore. Eric Garza."

(EDITOR'S NOTE: When Booby Witless-Cervezas, a man who can't write but sure can cuss to compensate for his dearth of literary skills, resorts to epithets as in the preceding quote, his readers immediately conclude that the bowling ball with a cue ball for a head is wobbling on his last legs. We have no idea the image the blubbery blogger is trying to promote by saying the retired law enforcement officer Gracia and successful businessman Johnson are running a brothel and that Cameron County Democratic Sheriff Eric Garza is their whore. (For the record, Booby: Prostitutes, not whores, work in brothels, but since you don't have a carnal appreciation for women, you probably don't know the difference.) In his wild rantings he accuses Gracia, Johnson and Garza of corruption, but in his usual failed manner, which may account for his disbarment from Texas courts, he presents no evidence to support his bluster. Do any of them even have records? On the other hand, John Chambers, who has inspired Witless-Cervezas to join Trump's Republican Party, has been in and out of court--with a brief stop in jail as can be observed in his chic pink jumpsuits--for the last five years. According to Witless-Cervezas, this is the latest in the Chambers' saga that is a sad story of an individual who couldn't handle the few responsibilities as police chief in the hick town of Indian Lake. Writes Witless-Cervezas about a person who evokes the ghost of Conrado Cantu: "The case currently before the Court of Criminal appeals addresses the court of appeals failure for a second time to follow the law. The court of appeals is angry they were reversed once, so they ignored the law as handed down by the Court of Criminal Appeals and ordered a new trial for misdemeanors, not felonies. The court of appeals, having ignored the law for a second time, had its order appealed to the Court of Criminal Appeals." The choice is simple: Do we want Garza who will enforce the law or do we want Chambers who will break the law? Their past records speak volumes on this issue. Witless-Cervezas, however, must believe you have to hire a criminal as sheriff in order to control the other criminals. We wouldn't have been surprised if Booby, living during the Wild West times, would have endorsed Billy the Kid over Wyatt Earp.)