MY HEB

It is an old argument that the Lopez Supermarkets have the best meat in Brownsville. Whoever defends that view hasn't pushed his cart through the HEB Plus aisles. Married men enjoy shopping these days as they stroll through the store and admire the beautiful women.

"You need tampons, honey? No problem. I'll run to HEB."

The action gains momentum in the meat section. Forget the fajitas! Forget the costillas! Forget the pollo! Forget the sausage! Well, it's hard to forget the sausage because it has a mind of its own.

Desire forces the shopper onward. The wine section is the favorite watering hole. We old lions use our experience to narrow the distance between the prey and ourselves. We also look for those with a slight limp.

While perusing the reds and whites, I have the opportunity to set my trap. A recent study revealed that women who drink wine have a more liberal attitude toward sex. They like to experiment; and wine is all about experimentation.

"I notice you've been standing here for ten minutes," I gamble. "May I suggest something?"

Then follows a long conversation discussing the particulars of the occasion and the right red.

"You'll be intrigued by a Malbec," I suggest. "Anything between $10 and $20 will do."

She is a pleasant person who has taken some pleasure in our discussion. Maybe I'll see her again. If not, there will be others.