At The McHale Report we support the rewriting of history if as a society we are committed to the truth rather than perpetuating a myth, which is nothing more than fiction substituting for facts.
/DP-M, the mercurial magician of poetic prose, issued a challenge on his blog, The Brownsville Republic, that the real Jesus Christ, physically speaking, be rendered as he might appear as a living human stripped of the ethereal excesses.
The steadfast Christian has attended enough masses and services to observe more than his share of portraits of Our Lord that are more faithful to cultural prejudices than doing justice to our actual Savior. The veteran scribe insinuates that no way in hell did Jesus Christ share any resemblance to Bill Clinton or Michael Jordan.
"Well, I’ll go on the ever-dangerous assumption that most adult Americans are in on the somewhat-accepted joke, and have been for years," wrote /DP-M. "That blonde-haired, bearded, Bee Gee-looking dude up on the altar in your Christian church is in no way, shape or form an accurate depiction of the Real Jesus Christ.
"Jesus, more than a few experts have said over the years, was a dark-skinned Jew with short hair (not long) and a rough beard. He was husky, almost burly and likely may have played linebacker at the high school level had he been 'born' in Brownsville and not in the harsh Middle East of his day."
"I have visited the Middle East, particularly Israel, on several occasions," says Father Jesus P. Cadissimo, the excommunicated priest who shepherds a flock at Cameron Park. "I can only conceive of him in modern terms, a person who would blend into the flow of pedestrians sauntering along Jerusalem streets.
"I imagine a man of average height, a full head of hair and clean-shaven," articulated The McHale Report's religious expert. "I picture a slender individual with an athletic step in his stride. Attired in a button-down shirt, a pair of kahkis and penny loafers, he would emanate a confident calm that would inspire men and excite women.
"I sent several photographs of both Israeli and Palestinian men to former Brownsville Herald photographer Brad 'Boner' Doherty and asked him to combine the different photos into one assemblage. To his credit, he took his time, the advantage of retirement, and returned this composition to us that appears at the top of this article.
"By coincidence, City Commissioner Ben Neece walked into our historical downtown office while the staff studied Doherty's modern rendition. Neece took one look and suddenly exclaimed, 'I know I've seen that cabrón! Jesus Christ! I swear! I know that cabrón! He said that he was going to bury all remnants of the Confederacy first and then he was going to deposit Christianity six-feet under next.'"
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