SUMMER

If we look at the secular calendar a new week begins on Monday, but if we remember Genesis, God spent the first six days creating the mess we endure today and then took the seventh off to contemplate the failure that surrounded him. He had a good idea, but he wasn't a good artist.

Trying to compensate for falling short of his goal, He spent the eighth day working unlike many of our lazy BISD teachers who spend Sunday drinking and call in sick the following day. We in South Texas are grateful he made the extra effort. Though few people know this fact although many Christians, reborn hypocrites the majority of them who claim they read the Bible but they really don't, God created air-conditioning.

At The McHale Report we read the weekly weather report. By Friday we are supposed to eclipse 90. Summer is coming like a freight train barreling through King Ranch. For all the complaints about the heat in South Texas, it is exaggerated. We have begun May with a rainy, gloomy day and by the end of September when the hurricane clouds roll off the gulf the rain and gloom return again, the temperatures commence to decrease. At worst we have four months of intolerable weather, but there is a silver lining in those dark clouds.

First, a word of advice: Please don't try to sell your old clunker through the months of June, July and September. You won't find many buyers. Second, like a bear but changing seasons, hibernate during the summer.

"You simply don't venture outdoors during the day," counseled G.F. McHale-Scully, the publisher of The McHale Report. "I find the late mornings unbearable. You have been sleeping in air-conditioning and you leave your residence only to step into a wall of still air. The contrast is literally night and day. If you can survive without going to HEB until the later afternoon or the early evening, the dependable southeastern arrives and a refreshing coolness engulfs the town. It is like a change in season. Sitting out in the backyard barbecuing and drinking beer is comfortable."

Our publisher is currently residing in a long-term hotel. A minimalist reduced to his clothes, a laptop, a guitar, a tennis racket and cash in his wallet, he pays $650 a month for a room that includes a kitchenette, internet and limitless air-conditioning. He luxuriates in his room all day, taking an occasion moment to honor Our Creator for the greatest gift he gave humanity.

"If I should die and my cadaver began to discompose, the maids wouldn't notice the putrid smell because I can cool my room down to the temperature of a meat locker and it doesn't cost me anything extra," said the author and journalist who has been contemplating various awesome journeys to Central and South America but confesses he is in no hurry since he already inhabits the Third World as well as having to finish his 15th book Buried in Brownsville.

"The bottom line is that the weather is turning hot and no amount of complaining is going to change that reality. Adapt to the changing occasions. And when worse comes to worse, there is always the refreshing escape of South Padre Island. I remember in my youth I would pass out on the beach from too much partying and awake in the middle of the night shivering. Everything comes with a price and I'll take the heat that rules our southern climes to the cold that settles on our northern neighbors like a sheet of ice from the first of October to the end of April.

"And if Jesus turned water into wine in his first miracle, God doesn't have any problems with our cold beers during the summer. I'm sure He would join us but according to the visions in Revelation, heaven is permanently air-conditioned."