SECRET TO GOOD MARRIAGE

Physicians call Dr. Polyphemous Pangloss the most respected doctor in South Texas. At The McHale Report we feel fortunate that he is a contributor both on and off the record. He doesn't often drop by our office, but he had driven specifically to eat at Ricardo's in historic downtown and stopped for a brief chat.

"There is a group of four nurses with whom I frequently chat in the hospital cafeteria. I am substantially older than any of them and our relationships are strictly professional, but there is an affection and frankness among us. There isn't a subject we won't broach. Sex is a dominant subject. I find sex can be a transfixing subject in a conversation, but once you've had sex with that person, the discussion ceases. I suppose reality erases the fantasy.

"One of the gals was complaining that her husband wants a piece of her every night. She says that he is wearing her out, but she surrenders against her will to refuse him on occasion. She admits, though, that she is at the breaking point."

"Do you love him?" I asked.

"Yes," she answered.

"Is he a good husband?"

"Yes.

"Is he a good father to your two daughters?"

"He's an excellent father. He loves his daughters very much."

"Is he a good provider?"

"He's a hard-worker and enjoys his job."

"And you can't show your appreciation?"

"What do you mean?"

"He is only asking for 15 minutes of your day to satisfy himself. You can lie there like a dead fish. As long as you open your legs, allow him to penetrate and ejaculate, he is content. If you deny him his satisfaction, he will grow frustrated and seek it somewhere else."

"You talk like an expert, Doctor."

"I had a woman whom I loved dearly. She was a nurse also. She made good money and we shared a condo together. I told her she didn't have to do anything for me except make love to me. She didn't have to clean for me or wash for me or cook for me since I had been a bachelor and could more than take care of myself. Sadly, she was constantly rejecting me. And when she would give herself to me, she had this long, disgusted look on her face. You don't know the repugnance I felt for her at those moments. It was humiliating that I was begging for sex from my own wife. I ultimately found refuge elsewhere. What could have been a beautiful relationship ended in an ugly fashion. If you can't show your husband 15 minutes of gratitude each day for his many positive contributions, then don't act shocked when your lovely home comes tumbling down."

A few weeks later I was walking down the hospital corridors and she stopped me. She has the sweetest smile.

"I took your advice, Doctor. Thank-you."

"I'm glad. I hate to see good marriages destroyed when women forget that they have certain responsibilities."