"I didn't die for that motherfucker!!!"
Those were the words spoken by Jesus Christ to Father Jesus P. Cadissimo, the defrocked Catholic priest who ministers to the poor of Cameron Park. The Catholic Church excommunicated him from its ranks 20 years ago when he accused the clergy of using the anuses of altar boys as sheathes for their swords.
"Jesus Christs speaks to me regularly in visions," said the Reverend Cadissimo. "He is so sick and tired of organized religion and its existence predicated on making money in his name in order for its ministers to live the high life. He says that Donald Trump has cost many Christians their souls and that they will be spending eternity burning in the deepest depths of hell.
"As I sat on my porch mesmerized by the moon last night, I closed my eyes and suddenly he was speaking to me. These were his words:
"'If I had to die for Trump's sins, I would still be nailed to the cross today. Not even Satan is as evil as this demonic pervert.'"
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